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Chivalry Is Not Dead

Written by  Peter Schwartz

An archaic notion like chivalry can be hard to define in the modern world. But that doesn't mean you get a pass to act any way you want when it comes to dating. Like everything else that evolves in the wake of modern living, so too has the notion of chivalry.


The best way to find out what behaviors turn women on is to go straight to the source -- which is exactly what we did. According to a group of women from various backgrounds, chivalry is still alive and kicking, even if it bears little resemblance to what we've traditionally thought of as gentlemanly behavior.


The First 15 Minutes

A woman decides pretty quickly whether or not she's interested in you, so the first 15 minutes represent a crucial window for you to demonstrate your social graces -- or lack thereof. Lucky for you, if a woman's remotely attracted to you physically, you don't need to do a whole lot to secure that interest. A sense of humor is a must. Not only does laughing cause her to associate positive feelings with your presence, but humor can be employed to smooth out any awkward first date hiccups. Don't be afraid to laugh at yourself when these inevitably happen.

One character trait that women constantly come back to when describing what they want in a man is someone who listens to them. Most of us are good at pretending to listen while we're really just waiting for our turn to talk. It's a disingenuous practice that women can easily pick up on. Lastly, be aware that you communicate volumes to her with your eyes. Being shy to make eye contact signals timidity. If you want her, the least you need to be able to do is look her in the eye like a man confident in his abilities.

The Modern Woman

We know, chivalry has gotten a bit of a bad rap in recent years from people who see it as being incompatible with the idea of women's equality. If you're treating women as fragile creatures who need help with everything, how will that make them feel? While some elements of tradition chivalry might seem outdated today, the truth is nothing should stop you from going the extra mile to impress a woman you're interested in. So while you might not be throwing your jacket over a puddle so she can cross the street or ordering her own dinner for her, things like holding a door open for a woman or offering to pay on a date isn't presumptuous -- it's kindness. And most women appreciate little acts of kindness.

Chivalry and Technology

When it comes to chivalrous behavior, technology is a double-edged sword. On the one, dating apps like Tinder make it easier than ever to find potential dates and break the ice with her in an effective, relatively risk-free scenario. The problem with using social media as social lubricant is that the balance between real-life bonding and digital interactions can easily come off the rails. A digital divide can lower your inhibitions to a decidedly un-sexy place, make you lazier about getting out in the real world and can keep you from recognizing a potential date as a real flesh-and-blood person.

Make sure that when you're on a date, you're phone is buried deep in your pocket and that your focus is on the human female who's been good enough to give you a chance to win her over.

Chivalry And The Gentleman

Women aren't asking for all that much, really. The modern expectation of chivalrous behavior has never been simpler to achieve. It basically boils down to three pieces of advice. 1. Be brave. Women are waiting for you to make the first move, so get over your fear of rejection and introduce yourself. In fact, treat any rejection as a badge of honor that's toughening up your skin when it comes to the fairer sex. 2. Be punctual. If she's agreed to go out with you, don't squander the good vibes by making her wait for you. Unless an actual emergency arises, you're well advised to be on time for your date. 3. Be present. This sounds easy, but if you're the type to get caught up in your own head about how things are going, or are too ADD to leave your smartphone alone for a few hours, then it's going to require some effort. Being present ensures the best chance for you to make a connection with your love interest.

Peter Schwartz for ASK MEN

Tagged under Chivalry    Men    Character    VERTIKAL LIFE    Peter Schwartz    ASK MEN   
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